before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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