you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
