physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
