Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
