Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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