I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
