i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize