No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
