I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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