Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
