Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was born a porn star she said
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
