wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
