Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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