he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
