They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
