addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
