i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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