as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
