i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
