Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
