Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
