The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
