Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
