my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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