I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize