he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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