She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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