it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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