Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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