he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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