I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
