So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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