Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
