the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
