i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it because I queefed?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
