He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
