one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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