I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
