Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
