Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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