I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
