Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
