Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
