Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the day after is always just damage control
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
