my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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