I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
