HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
