Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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