Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
