Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize