conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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