So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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