fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
