she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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