My Higher Power is John Stamos
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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