he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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