I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
