She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
