Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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