I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
