I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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