Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize