I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
