was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
