i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
