DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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