Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
