You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
