Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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