I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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