what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
