I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
