I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
