do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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