i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
